


Vulnerable

by rudolphsb9



Series: Gun Metal and Bulletproof Skin [23]
Category: Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:04:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudolphsb9/pseuds/rudolphsb9
Summary: John catches Katia in a quiet moment and reflects on their different concepts of vulnerability.





	

Fandom: Hitman: Agent 47  
Rating: PG  
Characters: John Smith; Katia Van Dees  
Relationship: John Smith/Katia Van Dees  
Summary: John watches Katia and reflects on the concept of vulnerability.  
Notes: First Person POV, John

~~~

I know sex doesn’t mean anything to you. You hear it all the time. You told me that once. I always heard that sex was the ultimate show of vulnerability, and you don’t give yourself up like that unless you have to or want to. But watching you, sitting on the bed with your knees up, your arms wrapped loosely around them and staring at the floor, lost in your thoughts, I think everyone is wrong. I rarely see you this way, with your many sad thoughts floating around in your head, just sitting there thinking them. I see all your jagged edges, your pieces missing. Based on the things you told me I can guess what those pieces are.

For the first time I’m really scared. It’s not because you’re an Agent, no. It’s because you’re so human, so indisputably human. All your wounds and scars, and those things that haven’t healed and never will, I’ve never seen those with other Agents. These things that tell your history so glaringly, all the events that never should’ve happened and left their marks all over you… I want to go over to you, so badly, but I’ll cut myself on those edges. I’ll try to embrace you and you’ll shred everything inside of me.

I can tell your thoughts have you, or you’d have looked at me by now and said something. You always do. I can’t ever sneak up on you. So this just means you know I’m there and keep thinking your thoughts, or you think your thoughts so much you don’t know I’m there. I’d break you from them, maybe spare you one of those nightmares you have every night but when I’m right next to you, holding on as tight as I can. Maybe I should say your name? Whisper it quietly, “Katia,” like a dream but you can hear it, you always can. Or maybe I should pull you close, shamelessly, and hold you. Or should I do what I did the first time I ever met you? When I sat on that bed and asked you to let me help you? Should I do that again? Is that what you want?

You finally look up at me, and I wonder if it’s because my nervous system is faster than normal, and all that took place in half a second rather than a full five minutes like I thought. I remember that you’re human, and feel just as much if not more so than any other human. I work up my balls and make a decision, and I walk over to the bed and sit next to you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. I’m not sure if I want to protect you from yourself or if I just want to be the softness to your rough edges.

I feel you lean into me, burying your face in my neck and your fingers curling around my shirt over my shoulder blade. You don’t cry, instead you take a deep breath and exhale against my skin. I feel you shake a little, so I hold on to you just a little tighter. You start to uncoil, and I realize exactly why it seems so backwards to you. You hear sex all the time. You can have it no problem. But exposing yourself emotionally is another animal entirely. You never had anyone just hold you before, did you? Not like the other night in the blanket with Root Beer Schnapps, or the morning after a great night with the sun in the window. When you were feeling down and scared and lonely and hurt. When it counted.

Did you think being touched would break you open?


End file.
